My mom flies in tomorrow from Phoenix to help me drive out for our Thanksgiving trip. As you may have gathered, I am rather excited about this trip. It feels as though we are at a bit of a crossroads right now. On one hand, we can stay here in Texas and finish our masters degrees, or we can take advantage of this small break and move back to Arizona to be closer to my family. Oh my, decisions, decisions...
On one hand, I LOVE it out here. This is our home. When I think of "home" I think of our little house in Commerce. I think of spending my summer evenings at the pool with my children, followed by a sweet snow cone treat. I picture Saturday soccer games with Collin running an offense, Cameron debating with me whether he should run out on the field, and Caitlyn wanting to hop on the field so bad, she's literally shaking. I see my children running in the green grass of the park, surrounded by old, proud, leafy green trees. I see them throwing our monstrously huge acorns at each other- and the large bruises and broken windows they are known to cause. I see them excelling in school, making friends, and learning Southern manners and customs. I see wintry Saturdays spent at the Y in Greenville. I see Wednesday evenings spent in class with my fellow graduate students. I see a small town with small town values, but with wonderful proximity to the culture and certain delights that only living near a thriving metropolis can provide.
But, there's also my home- complete with the many loving aunts and uncles, grandparents and great grandparents. My mind's eye remembers the snow-covered mountains, the delicious smell of creosote bushes dampened by the summer monsoon rains, the clear crisp summer mornings, its sunrises and sunsets. Mi Casa tortillas, Green Chili burros from La Casita, and thick, ice-cold horchata from Los Jilibertos. In my mind I can hear the back and forth chatter of the silver-haired viejetas at Thriftee as they choose their tomatillos and chilis. And I miss it.
I guess whatever happens, happens. I know we were led here, and I know that if it is time to move on, we will be led to that as well. After this coming week, I feel like we will know which way our path will lead. And I look forward to seeing where we are going.
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3 comments:
Jolyn,
I began reading your post, and as I did...the tears began to fall! We have been in your shoes, and the feelings still run very deep. For so many years, all that we thought lay in the future was our chance to come "home". The reality for us was, "home" was mostly our memories and could never actually be again what it once was. Once we left, it was never truly ours again! However, with that reality, we came to find something that more than not, works for us. Close enough, with what we need to provide for our family. You will be guided both by your hearts, and by God's will. Be patient, it will all come...at the right time! Have a safe trip!
what is this?! i had no idea you guys were considering leaving. that would so suck for us. (no pressure.)
Jolyn, I had such a great time when you were out. It made me wish (again) more than ever that you lived closer. I miss you, John and the babies terribly. I search every day through Job adds... Hoping I can find something for you and/or John. I have this need to be close to you, and your family. I know you know what I'm talking about. Those babies are the most precious things in this world to me. Collin...he's so smart and cute, and you (and everyone else) knows that we are tight!! he can do no wrong with me...(no secret) Cameron, with all the love he gives me and so willingly lets me give it back. His precious ways..... His expressions. His ways that I caN'T get out of my mind....lol I love him with all of my heart.
Caitlyn.....well, she's MY little princess/angel. She knows I love her and she loves me. I love to hold her and snuggle, kiss her and tell her how special she is. She is MY buddy. (and she knows it) Then Caleigh. What a beauty. She is so beautiful. her dimples, her beautiful blue eyes...(hope she keeps them) and that disposition.....unbelievable!!! When i hold her, and also when Collin was a baby, it was like going back in time....holding you...They both are a carbon copy of you as a baby....warms a nanny's heart.
I am praying that this will work out.
I love you so much Jodi
Mom
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