Operational Changes

To: All Current and Future Members of the Bryant Household
From: Mommy
Re: Changes in Operating Procedures

To Whom it may Concern:

Please be advised of several changes to our standard operating procedures that are effective immediately.

First, all family members old enough to play with toys, cut paper, color, or an any way demark, mess up, or otherwise deface familiar property are now responsible for the immediate remediation of such defacement, mess making, and toy/ cut paper throwing. This is a revision of the current procedure 2.1b which states "mommy is the only one who may clean messes". Apparently, this procedure was voted into place after mommy's last visit to the hospital upon the arrival of Caleigh. As I was not present when this procedure was instated, I am rescinding it and demanding it stricken from the familial record.

Second, all family members possessing the ability to speak must do so. Failure to speak in tones pleasing to mommy's ears (ie whining, yelling, and/or screaming) will result in an immediate dismissal from mommy's presence. Please be advised this is for your own safety as I have very little patience for such nonsense, and nothing unlocks my inner psychopath quite like the sound of whiny and/or loud and obnoxious children.

Finally, arguing with mommy regarding clothing choices, hair styles, and personal hygiene issues will no longer be tolerated. You may not wear the same socks, underwear, dirty shirt, and/or pants you wore yesterday. While I am aware you did not pee on the aforementioned clothing items, and I am very proud of you for staying dry last night, the fact remains they are still dirty. This simple fact necessitates a thorough washing and drying of said clothing items before you will be allowed to wear them again. In addition, your hair must be combed every day before school. I am not aware of any case studies linking parental hair styling with death or serious illness. In the event such research is discovered, I will immediately revise this procedural change. Daily bathing is imperative. Proper bathing procedure includes a thorough washing of one's hair with shampoo. Failure to include shampoo in the hair washing procedure will result in an immediate return to the bathing apparatus and mommy's assistance in carrying out proper hair washing procedure. One of these days you will thank me that you are not the smelly kid at school, but for now it will be in your best interest to simply comply with my requests.

Thank you for your time and attention to these changes. Any questions or concerns can be addressed during normal business hours.

Best Regards,
Mommy