Random

How do you know when you have found your religious "home"? You know what I mean, right? The place where you attend church on Sunday and you look forward to going, are excited to see other members of the congregation, and just feel comfortable.

I was talking to one of the ladies I worked with last spring, and she was telling me that she attends one of the local "cowboy" churches, and that each Sunday her children actually get mad at her for taking too long to get ready to leave for church. In other words, her children actually LIKE going to church each Sunday. What a concept. I want that.

I want to actually enjoy church, rather than attend simply because I feel like it's something I "need" to do. Or do simply to avoid being stalked my the missionaries (but that's a whole other topic!). I want to feel like I belong, rather than simply feel like a number or someones obligation- just another "to do" to check off the list. Where do I find that? I enjoy some of the concepts preached by my organized religion, but I don't feel "at home" there. I don't look forward to Sundays. There have been times in my life when I have been really gung ho about my religion, but right now I just feel "blah" about it. I rarely leave feeling uplifted and closer to God. Usually, I leave feeling like a failure. Like I'll never quite be good enough for their version of Him. It runs really counter-intuitive to my own ideas about Him, and I have a hard time reconciling my ideas with theirs.

My cousin posted a link to a beautifully written article. In it, the author mentions a bible study group offered by her congregation for women in her same, very sensitive, situation. My religion would never offer something like that. Basically if it's not a play group, scrap booking, or possibly a book group (with books approved by the male leadership, of course!) we women don't really need it now, do we? Reminds me of when I was a teenager and we girls would do these stupid "learn to sew!", "go visit a lady who just had a baby, so you can see how to take care of babies!", or "let's play with makeup!" type activities. Meanwhile, my dad, who was in charge of the young men's group, would borrow MY raft to take the boys on overnight RAFTING TRIPS! Those who know me know exactly how I felt about being stuck learning to sew or do my makeup while my dad had my raft lent out to some random idiot boy from church. When I was in leadership and suggested that we should try to do a day long rafting trip or hike, it was never "in the budget" or other such nonsense. Gag me. I guess we'll do another variation of the craft, makeup, or baby theme....

I can feel this going off track, but I guess my point is I want to find a church where I feel accepted, loved and valued as I am. I want to leave feeling uplifted and closer to God. I want my children to enjoy attending the meetings on Sunday. Is that too much to ask?